Chuck Norris Jokes : Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris didn’t call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris is so fast he caan run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can put a plane in reverse.
Chuck Norris was exposed to Covid-19.
Covid-19 had to go into quarantine for a month.
Chuck Norris is able to build a snowman out of water.
Chuck Norris didn’t cheat death, he won fairly and squarely.
Chuck Norris walked into chemistry class and ripped the Periodic Table of Elements off of the wall. Why?
Because the only element Chuck Norris needs is the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer.
Its not that Chuck Norris doesn’t like rudeness, its that rudeness doesn’t like Chuck Norris.
Chuck doesn’t think. He knows.
Chuck Norris didn’t get Soviet Russia’d. Soviet Russia got Chuck Norris’d.
When people sneeze, Chuck Norris doesn’t say “Bless you”, the sneezers say “Bless you” to Chuck Norris.
Maria Von Trapp didn’t beat the Nazis, Chuck Norris beat both of them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t go by its full name. It’s real name stands for Ultimate Fighting Championship Non-Chuck Norris Division.
The only reason bombs work is because Chuck Norris donated his power to them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn off the light. The light turns itself off in fear.
Chuck Norris had a paper round as a child. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it, too.
Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris writes, the paper bleeds.
Chuck Norris can hear an eye roll.
Chuck Norris can do one push-up and lift the world.
Chuck Norris’s cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can play tic-tac-toe by himself and always win.
Chuck Norris can watch the radio.
Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming down the road.
Chuck Norris can breathe underwater the water is just too scared to enter his lungs.
Chuck Norris can count to infinity. Backward.
Chuck Norris can make a marshmallow so hot, even he can’t eat it.
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, just so he could show it who’s boss. It never came back.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
Chuck Norris can make snow angels in a concrete driveway.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris constructed a proof of Fermat’s Last Theorem that would fit within the margin.
Chuck Norris knows the biggest prime number.
Chuck Norris has every real number tattooed on his forearm.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do mathematics. Chuck Norris is mathematics.
Chuck Norris will decide if P = NP.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do linear programming; for him, there are never any constraints.
Chuck Norris doesn’t avoid calculation mistakes. Calculation mistakes avoid Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Why is 6 afraid of Chuck Norris? Because Chuck Norris 8 9.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris didn’t call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 75 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise
Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories at the campfire
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off
The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives
Chuck Norris can cook a minute of rice in 30 seconds
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year
Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back
Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to wear a watch, he simply decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity more than once.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’s cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?
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