Dirty Riddles with Answers : While riddles often serve the function of entertaining the audience by proposing challenging questions to be solved, they also serve other purposes. For instance, they may allow for deeper thinking regarding an issue or to allow other questions to arise.
Dirty Riddles
Riddle: What do clowns get turned on by?
Answer: Balloon blow-up dolls.
Riddle: What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
Answer: Slow down and use some lubricant.
Riddle: Did you hear about the man who got turned into a giant penis?
Answer: He was a real dick about it.
Riddle: What does a horny frog say?
Answer: Rub it.
Riddle: What does one boob say to the other boob?
Answer: If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
Riddle: What is six inches long, two inches wide, and makes everyone go crazy?
Answer: A $100 bill.
Riddle: How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
Answer: It’s not hard.
Riddle: What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
Answer: A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.
Riddle: What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
Answer: A man.
Riddle: What kind of bees make milk?
Answer: Boo-bees.
Riddle: What does a man have in his trousers that a lady doesn’t want in her face?
Answer: Wrinkles.
Riddle: It involves a bed. Some people prefer it on top, while others prefer it on the bottom. What is it?
Answer: A bunk bed.
Riddle: I’m hard and hairy on the outside but soft and wet on the inside. My name begins with “c”, ends in “t”, and there’s a “u” and “n” in between them. What am i?
Answer: A coconut.
Riddle: What’s beautiful and natural, but gets long and prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?
Answer: Grass.
Riddle: I have a stiff shaft and my tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
Answer: An arrow.
Riddle: I go in hard and come out soft. I never mind if you blow me. What am I?
Answer: Bubblegum.
Riddle: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
Answer: A tent.
Riddle: I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. Sometimes people lick my nuts. What am I?
Answer: Peanut butter.
Riddle: I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?
Answer: A crane.
Riddle: I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
Answer: A bowling bowl.
Riddle: The answer I give is yes, but what I mean is no. What was the question?
Answer: “Do you mind?”
Riddle: Two fathers and two sons are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car. How?
Answer: They are a grandfather, father, and son.
Riddle: A woman shoots her husband, then holds him underwater for five minutes. Next, she hangs him. Right after, they enjoy a lovely dinner. Explain.
Answer: She took a picture of him and developed it in her darkroom.
Riddle: A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door, there is a room constructed from magnifying glasses. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door, there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
Answer: He waits until night time and then goes through the first door.
Riddle: Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?
Answer: Nothing.
Riddle: A is the brother of B. B is the brother of C. C is the father of D. So how is D related to A?
Answer: A is D’s aunt.
Riddle: Tim and Mel are long-distance lovers. Tim has just purchased an engagement ring for Mel and wants to mail it to her. Unfortunately, the only way to ensure the ring will be received is to place a lock on the package. Tim has locks and Mel has locks but neither have keys for each others’ locks. How can they ensure the ring isn’t stolen?
Answer: Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. Mel places one of her locks on the package and sends it back to Tim. Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel.
Riddle: I am a word of 5 letters and people eat me. If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. Remove the first two and I’m needed to live. Scramble the last 3 and you can drink me. What am I?
Answer: Wheat, heat, eat, tea
Riddle: Which English word is the odd one out – Stun, Ton, Evil, Letter, Mood, Bad, Snap, Straw?
Answer: Letter.
Riddle: The person who makes it has no need of it; the person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it?
Answer: A coffin
Riddle: A horny virgin walked into the grocery store and went straight to the fruit section. What was she looking for?
Answer: A popped cherry
Riddle: When people think of me, the word “hump” comes to mind. You can find me in a woman’s pants when they’re too tight. What am I?
Answer: Camel toe
Riddle: What do you call a penis that claims he’s not a crook but turns out to be one?
Answer: Dick Nixon
Riddle: I enjoy a soft blow, but other times I need a stronger blow in order get all that goop to come out? What am I?
Answer: A nose
Riddle: What do men have in their pockets that women can’t get enough of, go crazy about, and love to get their hands on until it is fully spent?
Answer: A wallet full of cash
Riddle: Kids look forward to Santa for Christmas because he delivers and gives gifts to many. What was Santa’s job back when he was a naughty young guy and before he became a gift-giving and wish-granting legendary figure?
Answer: He was a pole dancer
Riddle: You’ll find me on a peak, I am sometimes small and sometimes big, sometimes pointy. What am I?
Answer: A nipple
Riddle: What country in Asia has the largest semen producing men and therefore has the greatest chances of having lots of children?
Answer: Cum-booty-a
Riddle: I am long and hard and most people will happily spend their wages on me. After having me most people feel a huge feeling of relief.
Answer: An education
Riddle: When you blow me I get bigger, and the tighter you wrap your lips around me the quicker I enlarge. What am I?
Answer: A balloon
Riddle: What do an eggplant, a penis, celery, and cucumber have in common?
Answer: They all have the letter E
Riddle: I enjoy a soft blow, but other times I need a stronger blow in order to get all that goop to come out. What am I?
Answer: A nose
Riddle: When people think of me, the word “hump” comes to mind. You can find me in a woman’s pants when they’re too tight. What am I?
Answer: Camel toe
Riddle: A horny virgin walked into the grocery store and went straight to the fruit section. What was she looking for?
Answer: A popped cherry
Riddle: In addition to the obvious, how is a virgin forest like a virgin woman?
Answer: They are both bushy
Riddle: What do you call a penis that claims he’s not a crook but turns out to be one?
Answer: Dick Nixon
Riddle: What would you put in the Christmas stocking of a horny woman who was naughty all year?
Answer: A sexy coal miner
Riddle: What gets bigger the more you take out?
Answer: A hole
Riddle: What has a hole but no bottom?
Answer: A donut
Riddle: Why did the bicycle fall over?
Answer: Because it was two tired
Riddle: What four letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k”, and if you can’t get one you can use your hands instead?
Answer: Fork
Riddle: What does a man have that begins with “P” and gets bigger if it’s properly stimulated?
Answer: The pupil of his eye.
Riddle: What would you enjoy more: a quick hand job or a long drawn out sex session tonight?
Answer: Learn how to give a mind-blowing hand job here.
Riddle: A boy had sex using protection. A few weeks later, his girlfriend called and said she was pregnant. Her heart was broken. Nine months later, her water broke. What broke first?
Answer: The condom
Riddle: What goes in dry and hard but comes out soft and wet?
Answer: A sponge.
Riddle: I asked my girlfriend for doggystyle today
Answer: So she rubbed my face in pee
Riddle: What’s long, hard and tastes great in your mouth?
Answer: Coconut
Riddle: You can go on top of me or underneath, and I always involve a bed. What am I?
Answer: A bunk bed.
Riddle: Every time I come, it’s news. I often hit your bush, but only when my aim is bad. What am I?
Answer: A newspaper delivery person
Riddle: I have a long shaft. I always penetrate with the tip first, and I always come with a quiver. What am I?
Answer: Arrow
Riddle: What goes in hard and comes out wet, squishy and sticky?
Answer: Bubble gum! What were you thinking?
Riddle: What holds your buns firmly and makes them look round and pretty?
Answer: Nope, not a hair tie, it’s your old friend, the thong!
Riddle: What’s the white, sticky stuff most girls like, but instead of swallows, spits out?
Answer: A toothpaste! Get it?
Riddle: You can’t taste it until you undress it. What is it?
Answer: A banana! It’s pretty obvious, no?
Riddle: You have to blow it to play with it. What is it?
Answer: Did you think balloon too? Same pinch!
Riddle: I end with “o-r-n” and start with “p” and I’m a major player in the film industry. What am I?
Answer: Popcorn. It was obviously the first thing that came into your mind, wasn’t it?
Riddle: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
Answer: An arrow, of course!
Riddle: All men have one, some got long some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married.
Answer: His last name! This wasn’t so tough, right?
Riddle: What is soft and wet on the inside while being hard and hairy on the outside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.
Answer: A coconut. By the way, what popped up in your head?
Riddle: What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
Answer: What else it could be other than a seatbelt? Right?!
Riddle: If you can’t get me, you could always just use your hands to get the job done?
Answer: A fork.
Riddle: Stick something long and hard inside me and see me get bigger until the job is done. What am I?
Answer: A tent.
Riddle: What is Snoop Dogg’s favorite gardening tool?
Answer: Hoes
Riddle: Women can’t get enough of me, and I rhyme with “sock”. What am I?
Answer: Talk.
Riddle: What happens when a lady gets something she really enjoys?
Answer: It makes her whole week.
Riddle: Why is sex like a good steak?
Answer: Hours of prep work, just to be told “Well done”.
Riddle: What’s long, pink, and makes women scream?
Answer: A Bridesmaid Dress
Riddle: What’s long, hard and tastes great in your mouth?
Answer: Pi
Riddle: What 4 letter word do some women love having inside them?
Answer: Baby
Riddle: According to his best friend, what is every man’s favorite position?
Answer: Doggy Style
Riddle: Who robbed stagecoaches and wore dirty clothes?
Answer: Messy James.
Riddle: Four hang, four sprang, two-point the way, two to ward off dogs, one dangles after, always rather dirty. What am I?
Answer: A cow.
Riddle: As I went across the bridge, I met a man with a load of wood that was neither straight nor crooked. What kind of wood was it?
Answer: Sawdust.
Riddle: A recently purchased implement for brushing away floor dirt invariably effaces the dirt most efficiently. What is the proverb?
Answer: A new broom sweeps clean.
Riddle: I can soothe you, or drive you nuts. I can be quiet but also blare in your ears. What does this? Figure that out, and you have found out the riddle.
Answer: Music ( ROCK!!!! or classical)
Riddle: Can you guess who pea’s friend is? He is something that grows on trees, doesn’t get bothered by bees, Is often eaten, for enjoyment and taste, and is often thrown away in waste. (Just trying to make it rhyme)
Answer: Nut!
Riddle: The dirty age What do you call a dirty age?
Answer: A MESS-age
Riddle: Bitter Combination Half of me builds towers and cities, the other half is squirming in the dirt. When I am whole, I become angry and bitter. Who am I?
Answer: Wormwood.
Riddle: There are 50 horses and 50 kings riding along an old dirt road. They came to a peach tree with 50 peaches. Each took one, yet there were still 49 left. How is this possible?
Answer: Each is the name of one of the kings and he’s the only one that took one!
Riddle: Black I am and much admired, men seek me until they’re tired. When they find me, they break my head and take from me my resting bed. What am I?
Answer: Coal
Riddle: I’m found in the room where you lay at night,
Underneath you, I’m out of sight.
I get turned and tossed until morning light.
Answer: Mattress.
Riddle: In the shower, I’m your best mate,
Rubbing and scrubbing off your late date.
I’m hung up when you’re done, but I don’t mind the weight.
Answer: Loofah.
Riddle: I’m not alive, but I have a ring,
I’ll wake you up with a ding or sing.
Find me where the sleepyheads lay,
I’m snoozed often in the light of day.
Answer: Alarm Clock.
Riddle: I keep your secrets under lock and key,
Sometimes under where you pee.
I’m not a diary, but I hide things you don’t want to see.
Answer: Toilet Tank.
Riddle: I’m found in pairs and hold something dear,
Often close to your rear.
I’m not hands but I sure can clap,
Holding treasures in my strap.
Answer: Bra .
Riddle: I’m what you want late at night,
In your mouth, I’m just right.
I come in many lengths and girths,
Satisfying your deepest hungers and mirth’s.
Answer: A sandwich.
Riddle: I stand up tall when you first wake,
Eager and ready for the day to break.
By midday, I’m hidden, out of sight,
But come back with vigor every night.
Answer: A shadow.
Riddle: I get pushed in and pulled out with care,
The longer I’m in, the more you’ll stare.
Slippery when wet, I do confess,
In and out, I leave a mess.
Answer: Soap.
Riddle: Squeeze me right, I’ll pop up high,
I’m not alive, but I can fly.
Hold me tight, I’ll fit just right,
But let me go, I’ll soar out of sight.
Answer: Balloon.
Riddle: I pass between lips, sometimes slow, sometimes quick,
I can be dirty, I can be slick.
In the dark or in the light,
I’m best shared in private, out of sight.
Answer: A secret or gossip.
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