Jokes in English : Humor is very subjective; this is very true to everyone who tries to crack a joke. The interesting thing is that there is an awkward feeling that hits us mercilessly whenever we flop. We know it instantly when we land, hit, kill the funny bone.
Jokes in English
What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunder pants!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What did 0 say to 8?
“Nice belt.”
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
Too many ears.
Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
What did the lawyer wear to court? A law suit.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.
How do you identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.
How do celebrities stay cool? They have a lot of fans.
What’s the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.
What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected foul play.
What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog.
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
Did you hear about the emotional wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.
Best Jokes
What did the man say to his fingers? “I’m counting on you.”
What do you call coffee with a sixth sense? Déjà brew.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie? “Alpaca-lypse Now.”
Why shouldn’t you make a dinosaur mad? Because you’ll get Jurass-kicked.
What do math books wear under their covers? Alge-bras.
What do you say to an award-winning cheese? “Gouda job!”
How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t bad either.
How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.
How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.
Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
Did you hear about the fragile myth? It was busted.
Did you hear about the pirate who became a great chef? He mastered the seven sea-sonings.
What word can you make shorter by adding two letters? Short.
When does a hippo have a tusk? After some rhino-plasty.
What do call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn? Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
Jokes
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
A hoarse radish!
Because they are such fungus.
How did the two cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.
What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
Where does the General keep his armies?
In his sleevies!
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
The don’t meet the koalafications.
What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket.
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? Because she was outstanding in her field.
How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see their wheels turning.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7,8,9.
What goes up and down but doesn’t move? The staircase.
What kind of shoes do frogs love? Open-toad!
How did the baby tell his mom he had a wet diaper? He sent her a pee-mail.
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
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