Best Roasts : “How the fuck are you so popular!?” Greg Geraldo fumes at the cutoff-shirt-and-ballcap-clad character on the throne before him. No answer is forthcoming, but the rest of the roast proves that while Larry and the other Blue Collar guys play directly to their audience’s sensibilities, they can take a joke.
Best Roasts
You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
Is that a scar on your face? Oh, my bad, it’s just your mouth.
Keep talking. I yawn a lot when I’m interested.
Don’t worry. The first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
You must have a Ph.D. in stupid ology.
I know I make stupid choices when I look at you.
Earth is crowded. Please go back home.
If stupidity were an Olympic sport, you’d definitely win a gold medal.
I’m not saying you’re old, but your birth certificate is a historical document.
It’s too bad you can’t photoshop your ugly personality.
If your brain were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
You are proof God has a sense of humor.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
Grab a straw, because you suck.
You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
I’m glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ.
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait.
You can be anything you want in life…other than rich, handsome, and successful.
Please welcome the second worst tragedy ever to hit New York City, Donald J. Trump.
Donald is very happy with his lovely wife: Insert Name Here.
You got Melania a huge, 12-karat-diamond engagement ring. You should not have gotten her a diamond. Now she knows what hard is supposed to feel like.
While the world is pretty divided on their feelings of the Trumpeter, one thing we can all probably agree on is that he definitely took his roasting like a true champ.
And there you have it — some of the best roasts of all time! While the roasts listed above are a few of our favs, we also love “The Roast of William Shatner” and “The Roast of Flavor Flav.
Of course, roasts are so popular that they are sometimes featured on our favorite sitcoms…maybe one about a workplace in Scranton, PA? The boss of the paper salesman was ripped to shreds by his disgruntled employees in what could best be described as cathartic/a learning experience. Is he the world’s best boss? Depends on who you ask, we guess.
Although verbal abuse may sound like a pretty terrible thing — and don’t get us wrong, it usually is, but getting roasted by the people you love is a uniquely hilarious experience. That’s why we love this super comfy “Roast Me” tee from Famous In Real Life featuring a drool-worthy dinner roast just begging to get roasted.
But it doesn’t stop there — you can find hundreds of side-splitting, borderline offensive tees at Famous IRL; all you got to do is look!
Ready to add some humor to your wardrobe? Check out our huge inventory of funny and ironic t-shirts today and let the roasting begin.
Just remember, “We only roast the ones we love.
Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice.
Do you work at a grocery store? Then stop checking me out.
You look like someone dropped a lollipop at the barber shop.
You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?
You must be a magician. How did you escape the circus again?
Are you always an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?
I would say you’re dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold the door open.
I thought you were attractive when I first saw you, but then you opened your mouth.
I know your parents told you that you could be anything you wanted, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean a douchebag.
I don’t understand, but I also don’t care, so it works out nicely.
You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Too bad you can’t Photoshop your personality.
Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.
If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
The jerk store called, and they’re running out of you.
I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
There’s no point to making fun of you, because it’d take the rest of the day for you to figure it out.
Are you ever overwhelmed with the urge to tell someone to shut up? Because that’s how I feel right now.
It’s just that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
You are not the most gullible person on earth, but you’d better hope that person doesn’t die.
Guess you’re not as dumb as you look. How could you be?!
My life may be a joke, but it’s not as funny as your outfit.
Your ambition outweighs your skills.
You should use glue instead of ChapStick.
I may not be perfect, but at least I am not you.
Your life is more about regret management than goal achievement, isn’t it?
A glowstick has a brighter future than you. Lasts longer in bed, too.
You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.
You can be anything you want…except good looking.
I know I make stupid choices, but you’re the worst of all my choices
Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone
You deserve to be loved… from a distance
God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind
Remember, if anyone says you’re beautiful, it’s all lies
The good books say to make good friends, but I think I made a mistake
You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily
It’s all about balance… you start talking, I stop listening.
If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.
I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult to stupid people.
Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?
Accidents happen; the proof is sitting right there.
You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.
You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.
You’re like a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
No, that’s fine. You’re certainly entitled to your incorrect opinion.
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dumbass Dictionary at home.
I’m not saying you’re fat, but it looks like you were poured into your clothes and someone forgot to say ‘when’.
You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
Shock me, say something intelligent.
I don’t hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
You’re like the human version of athlete’s foot annoying and hard to get rid of.
Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
You’re the reason gene pools need lifeguards.
You’re like a grey cloud. It’s a beautiful day when you disappear.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
I’ve seen clowns like you before, but I always had to pay an admission fee.
I like the way you comb your hair. It’s impressive how you’re able to hide the horns.
You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it suddenly becomes a beautiful day.
You need a kiss on the neck from an alligator.
I’d give you a nasty look, but fortunately, you already have one.
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