Best Dad Jokes : Humor is very subjective; this is very true to everyone who tries to crack a joke. The interesting thing is that there is an awkward feeling that hits us mercilessly whenever we flop. We know it instantly when we land, hit, kill the funny bone.
Best Dad Jokes
What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
It’s raining cats and dogs, and how those animals got in the sky, I’ll never know!
Does the existence of Godzilla mean there’s also a Devilzilla?
Age isn’t just a number—it’s a word.
There’s more than one way to skin a cat, but each way makes the cat furry-ious.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Living well is the best revenge … after filling your enemy’s car with bees.
I joined the PTA, but was disappointed when I learned it doesn’t stand for “Pass the Alcohol.”
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be—I wish they’d told me that identity theft is a crime.
My doctor told me I’m going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
I tried to make a joke about retirement, but it didn’t work.
How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
Why did the pharmacist walk on her tiptoes? She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
I wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
I had a date last night and it was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a fig.
What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.
My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said “Maybe…”
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? It’s because they’re so good at it.
Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
What has five toes and isn’t your foot? My foot.
What’s blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
Dad, did you get a haircut?’. ‘No, I got them all cut!’
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
How do you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!
My kid gave me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.
When a toddler reaches the “why?” stage, it’s like opening a bottle of champagne—once it’s uncorked, there’s no going back.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable.
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
Why can’t a leopard hide? He’s always spotted.
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why? Inflation.
I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I’m just a bit slow.
How did the piano get locked out of its car? It lost its keys.
What do you call an anxious fly? A jitterbug.
One did on potato chip say to the other? Let’s go for a dip.
Why shouldn’t you tell jokes to a duck? Because they’ll quack up.
Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning? It had a conductor.
Where did people hang out during medieval times? At knight clubs.
Why did the employee go work in stilts? He wanted a raise.
What do cake and baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived? What a re-leaf.
Why did the Rolling Stones stop making music? Because they got to bottom of the hill.
What is the best present? Broken drums! You can’t beat them.
I made song about tortilla once, now it’s more like a wrap.
Did you know courdury pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
Did you hear about the fragile myth? It was busted.
What word can you make shorter by adding two letters? Short.
What do call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn? Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
Funny Dad Jokes
What kind of coffee does a vampire drink? De-coffin-ated.
Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
How do you keep a skunk from smelling? Hold its nose!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!
Why can’t you tell a taco a secret? They tend to spill the beans!
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.
What did the horse say when he fell down? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
I can tell when you’re lying just by looking at you. I can also tell when you’re standing.
I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.
Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list, and now I can’t read what else is on it.
Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill, so I sent him a “get well soon” card
Does anybody know where a dad can find a person to talk to and hang out with? Asking for a friend.
Lance isn’t that common a name these days, but in medieval times, they were called lance-a-lot.
After dinner Mom asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs.
Dad Jokes
Why couldn’t the pony sing at the talent show? She was a little horse.
How do billboards talk to each other? Sign language.
What music do chiropractors listen to? Hip-pop.
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
What beans can you plant but never grow? Jelly beans.
What instrument can you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow.
Why did the kids cross the playground? To get to the other slides.
Why didn’t the teddy bear come down for dinner? He was already stuffed.
Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Why did the god of thunder need to stretch his legs? He was a little Thor.
What’s the least spoken language? Sign language.
What building in your town has the most stories? The public library.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I’m going to the beer store and I’m scared it will be closed.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
I tried all morning to cook up an egg-related pun, but I couldn’t crack it.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it downhill.
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