Bad Jokes : Humor is very subjective; this is very true to everyone who tries to crack a joke. The interesting thing is that there is an awkward feeling that hits us mercilessly whenever we flop. We know it instantly when we land, hit, kill the funny bone.
Bad Jokes
Where did the computer go dancing? The Disc-o.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why couldn’t the pirate sit down? His booty got stolen!
What’s the difference between Prince William and a tennis ball? One is heir to the throne and one is thrown in the air.
What did the over-excited gardener do when spring came? She wet her plants.
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.
You know, I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.
I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me eggs benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.
My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles.
My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, it’s also terrible.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
I’m terrified of elevators so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
I have learned so much from my mistakes that I’m thinking of making few more.
How do you know if a banker is good at his job?
Check his balance!
Why can’t you trust someone with loose change?
Because they just don’t make any cents.
What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
Start with a large one.
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing and the bank statement!
What kind of tea do rich people drink?
Proper tea.
Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants and a few dollar.
Why don’t dollar bills make good friends?
Because they are always changing.”
Why did the accountant break up with his girlfriend?
He found her to be too taxing.
I lost money on my stocks last week.
They’re now stationary.
Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine, he woke up.
What did the clock do when it was hungry?
It went back four seconds.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek?
You crack me up!
What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase?
A branch manager!
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It’s not you, it’s a-me, Mario!
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Don’t wok away from me!
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything!
Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife?
He needed his space!
How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.
What did the alien say to the landscaper? Take me to your weeder.
Me: “I want to write when I grow up.”
Dad: “Why don’t you left instead?”
What did Elvis say to his landscaper? Thank you for the mulch!
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out!
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? Time to go to sweep.
The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a parking lot. I won though, cause I went right for the juggler.
I’d like to shout out sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
What did the computer go to the doctor? Because he had a virus.
How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
Why did the computer get glasses? It wanted to improve its website.
Did you hear about the medieval lamp? It’s a knight light.
Where do chefs learn how to make ice cream? At sundae school.
What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.
Where do elephants store their clothes? In a trunk.
What did the lawyer wear to court? A law suit.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.
How do you identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.
How do celebrities stay cool? They have a lot of fans.
What’s the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.
What’s the best part about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Did you hear that Xerox and Wurlitzer are merging? They are going to manufacture a reproductive organ.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What’s the best time to see a dentist? Tooth hurty.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is heavy and one is a lot lighter.
Why shouldn’t you write with a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.
How much does an influencer weigh? An Instagram.
What do carb-loving zombies eat? Graaaaaaaains.
Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece!
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
What are caterpillars scared of?
Doge pillars
Why didn’t the lion win the race?
Because he was racing a cheetah
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey
Why can’t the leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted
What kind of jacket does an octopus wear?
An army jacket
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field
Why didn’t the skeleton never go on dates?
He didn’t have the guts to ask anyone
Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
He’s a bit of a pain in the neck
What do you call a guy who’s really loud?
Mike
THANKS FOR VISITING 🙂