Corny Jokes : Humor is very subjective; this is very true to everyone who tries to crack a joke. The interesting thing is that there is an awkward feeling that hits us mercilessly whenever we flop. We know it instantly when we land, hit, kill the funny bone.
Corny Jokes
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine, he woke up.
What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase?
A branch manager!
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Don’t wok away from me!
Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
A satisfactory!
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spectator.
What did the corn say after stubbing his toe? Aw, shuck!
Why wouldn’t the young crab share his toys? He was feeling shellfish.
I went to a great wedding the other week. It was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
Too many cheetahs!
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
A man took his date to a zoo. They were disappointed to find that it only contained one animal: a dog. It was a shitzu.
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves!
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
What do you call a fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
What happens when you witness an Apple store get robbed?
You become an iWitness!
Why don’t melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe!
What kind of tree can fit inside your hand?
A palm tree!
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
A depresso!
How can you identify a dogwood tree?
By its bark!
How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
Why were the fish’s grades bad?
Because they were below sea level!
What do you call a really good looking pumpkin? Gourd-geous!
How does a vampire make sure their makeup stays perfect? They always count on a little bat-tery power!
Why did the makeup products go to therapy? They needed some foundation repair!
Why did the eyeshadow never get into arguments? It always saw the other side!
Why did the mascara go to school? To brush up on its skills!
What did the single grape say? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the single woman throw out her calendar? She couldn’t find a single date.
Why did the single guy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
Why did the woman want to date a cashier? They’re always checking her out!
Why did the single tomato refuse to go on a date? It couldn’t ketchup with its schedule!
How do you organize an outer space party?
You planet.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
Dam!
Proton: I think I lost an electron.
Neutron: Are you sure?
Proton: Yep, I’m positive!
Why do melons have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
What is the definition of a farmer?
Someone who is outstanding in his field.
What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the fridge?
“Close the door! I’m dressing!”
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in?
Odor in the court.
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa baa shop.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying “Bach-Bach-Bach!”
What’s the dentist’s favorite kind of dinosaur? A floss-iraptor.
What made the snowman go to see a dentist? He was suffering from frostbite.
What does the dentist do when he’s on a roller coaster? Brace himself.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What do tuba players use to brush their teeth? A tuba toothpaste.
The lawyer asked his dentist to give him a retainer.
In Panama, dental care is called a route canal.
Word-of-mouth was how I got my job at the dentist’s office.
He said to put my money where my mouth is, so I got gold fillings.
When I went to the dentist, he put all caps on my teeth. Now I can’t stop shouting.
What kind of button doesn’t button or unbutton?
A belly button!
I know someone who does a great impression of an owl…
I’m a nobody and nobody is perfect… …Therefore, I must be perfect!
Knock knock.
Who’s there? Muffin. Muffin who? Muffin in this world can stop us!
Knock knock.
Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!
Do you know what my favorite thing in the world is?
The second word of this text!
We’ll we’ll we’ll… If it isn’t autocorrect.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amish. Amish who? Aw, Amish you too!
Do you want to know why I plan on no longer using Google anymore? Because after all this time that I have spent searching, I have found the love of my life and it is you.
Love is when I walk to the other side of the classroom to sharpen my pencil just so I can see her. And then I realize that I am holding a pen.
I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of debt with you.
A husband and wife are drinking wine at home. The wife says, “I love you.” The husband asks if that is her or the wine talking. She replies, “It’s me talking to the wine”.
Why should you never marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them!
How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
What did the astronaut’s fiancé say when he proposed to her in outer space? She said, “I can’t breathe!”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Will. Will who? Will you marry me?
Forget about the butterflies. When I am with you, I feel the whole zoo.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’d let it go.
What do you call an alligator detective?
An investi-gator.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.
When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent.
What kind of music do planets like?
Neptunes.
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
“Namaste.”
What do you call birds that stick together?
Vel-crows.
What’s an accountant’s favorite type of cereal?
Post!
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
“Ketchup.”
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why didn’t the skeleton get a prom date?
He didn’t have the guts to ask anyone.
Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he got lost at C.
What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It waved.
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
Why can’t you trust duck doctors?
They’re all quacks.
What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc.
What runs but never goes anywhere?
A fridge.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
How does a duck buy lipstick?
She just puts it on her bill.
What do horses say when they fall?
I can’t giddy up.
THANKS FOR VISITING 🙂