Dark Humor Jokes : Humor is very subjective; this is very true to everyone who tries to crack a joke. The interesting thing is that there is an awkward feeling that hits us mercilessly whenever we flop. We know it instantly when we land, hit, kill the funny bone.
Dark Humor Jokes
Why is the leper’s hockey game get canceled?
There was a face-off in the corner.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children?
Deadbeats.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?
Nothing.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas?
No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do so many deadbeat dads love to play poker?
It’s the only time they can call or raise anyone without feeling obligated to follow through.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
Dark humor is like food
Not everyone gets it
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
Where did Sharon go during the bombing?
Everywhere
Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?
Because they taste funny!
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
I have a joke about quarantine, but I don’t know if you’ll get it. It’s an inside joke.
I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid. They flu over your heads
What do you call it when everyone makes too many dumb Covid jokes?
A pandemic
Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? A: It’s a long story…
Since the pandemic started, my wife just stands there sadly looking through the window.
I should probably go let her in.
What is the best part of a blowjob?
Ten minutes of peace and quiet.
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn’t have time.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Say what you want about pedophiles…
But at least they drive slow through the school zones.
What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.
What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
Names.
What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
My penis.
What was my phone’s answer when I asked, “Siri, why am I still single?”
My selfie.
What rhymes with “boo” and stinks?
You.
What is the fastest way to have a smoking’ hot body?
Cremation.
How is the dog doing after its human died?
Ruff.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “From now on, call me George.”
Why should you never break someone’s heart?
They have only one. Break their bones instead. They have 206. Way more cathartic.
What’s the greeting at every Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous meeting?
“Love seeing so many new faces here today!”
Why did the doctor inject me with COVID-19?
So that I’d stop complaining about my cold.
What’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Stand in the middle of a busy road.
Two doctors walk into a bar…
The patient they left on the operating table didn’t make it.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.
I work with animals,” the guy says to his Tinder date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
I went to see my dentist and he warned me it was going to hurt. He ended up telling me he was having an affair with my wife.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.
My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning. I said, “Nah, most of the time I just let him sleep.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.
My wife says making love is even better on vacation. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
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